Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
