dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
