I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
