I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
