we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
