as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
