just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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