you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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