cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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