Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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