She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
