are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
