Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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