I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
