While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize