Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
