you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
