Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
