alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
