drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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