By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
