They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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