i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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