He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
