covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
