I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
