Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
