just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
