Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
