he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno