walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day