apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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