Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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