She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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