I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't turn off my feet"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
