She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
