At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
