How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
