I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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