Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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