thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
