just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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