I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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