I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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