I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
