I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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