wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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