I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
