Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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