I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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