i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
