He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.