He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"