Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please