But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye