did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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