idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.