There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it