She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you