I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
