Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight