I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
