in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
