I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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