I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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