I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
