the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
