Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
