I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
