I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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