the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Randomize
