I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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