I am in a vortex of obligation.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
