if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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