Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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