I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
