You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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