Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
