I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
