You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
