I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My vagina just clenched in fear
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
